Someone should have seen this coming.

A little while ago my wife participated in a work event where a psychic was available to give everyone a reading. My wife went in and was told that I would be receiving a large sum of money within the year.

Guess what? I have not received said funds as of yet and it's been two years and counting.

What can I do? Is there some Better Business Bureau for psychics that I can call and complain to? Would they even answer the phone?

I can see them now, sitting around their one telephone as I'm calling:

Ring-ring
"Don't answer that! It's that guy calling to complain about Mistress Pam. She foretold that he would come into a large amount of money and he has not received said funds as of yet."
"That Mistress Pam! She's such a little dickens. We can't let another mortal complain about her because then we'll have to banish her from the International Order of those Who See and we definitely need her gifts when the End of the World happens."
"When was that going to happen again?"
"Thursday."
"Right."

Mistress Pam doesn't know me at all. She doesn't know what my spending habits are like. What if I immediately went out and bought a ridiculously large HD television and a case of beer? I'd look pretty stupid when I wasn't able to pay off the credit card.

Or what if I was in deep with the Mob? Again I'd look pretty stupid explaining to Johnny "12 Knuckles" Marscaponti that a psychic told me I'd be receiving a lot of money so he doesn't need to break my knees at all...oh, and by the way, I'd like to bet $12,000 on the Steelers next Sunday.

Honestly, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep Johnny's goons away. And just yesterday, they showed me their new bat.

I'm getting nervous here Mistress Pam.

Pretty straightforward.

I don't like it when someone says, "Know what I'm sayin'" when they haven't said anything at all.

For instance, a while ago I was watching an interview with some rapper who said, "I was going out, you know what I'm sayin'?"

Yes. Yes I do. It was not a complicated sentence. Allow me to break it down for you.

You were going out.

Pretty straightforward I think.

I mean, if he was a thoracic surgeon discussing the latest innovations in thoracic surgery, I might have a problem. For example:

"I have recently uncovered an extreme case of pectus excavatum that lead to a mitral valve prolapse. You know what I'm sayin'?"

No. Absolutely not. Please explain in layman's terms.

Seriously, is it necessary to ask over and over again if your audience knows what you are saying? If you're concerned about your communication skills perhaps you should take a class or have a little more self-esteem. Perhaps if you were more confident in yourself you wouldn't need to ask over and over again.

That was probably the problem. That guy was one of those shy rappers. Those modest rappers you don't hear about! That poor man. I can only imagine how hard it must be for him when he's surrounded by all those other over-confident rappers, struggling to try and communicate, asking over and over again if they know what he's saying.